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References
The Wellness Industrial Complex
Where Your Money Goes to Die and Science Goes to Cry
What Actually Works:
Okay, I'll give them this - 26 people remembered stuff 7% better. That's like going from a C+ to a B-. Your brain lights up on the MRI like a discount Christmas tree. Whoop-dee-fucking-doo.
The Inconvenient Truth:
Failed harder than a philosophy major at a job interview. Phase 3 Alzheimer's trials with 2,000 people? FAILED. Makes your pee Smurf-blue, so good luck with that "double-blind" study, Einstein. Plus it has more drug interactions than a Hollywood party - 196 and counting!
The "Evidence":
Some people with fucked up leg arteries walked slightly better. That's it. That's the whole show. Roll credits.
What Big NAD+ Doesn't Want You to Know:
A 2023 review straight-up said these supplements have shown "FEW CLINICALLY RELEVANT EFFECTS." That's scientist-speak for "this shit doesn't work." The lead researcher OWNS A SUPPLEMENT COMPANY. It's like asking McDonald's if burgers are healthy.
Holy Shit, This One's Actually Real:
Japan approved this as ACTUAL MEDICINE in 1977. Not a supplement, not a "wellness product" - real pharmaceutical medicine. 8,009 cancer patients lived longer. That's not marketing, that's math.
The Catch (There's Always a Catch):
All the studies are from Japan. It's like only trusting pizza reviews from Italy - probably accurate, but come on. FDA says "nope" because apparently saving lives isn't profitable enough.
What 41 People Taught Us:
Your reaction time gets 0.03 seconds faster. That's less time than it takes to say "placebo effect." But hey, you'll react to disappointment slightly quicker!
The Government's Hot Take:
The NIH literally says: "These cognitive benefits have NOT been shown to any great extent in humans." That's the government's way of saying "stop lying to people, assholes."
The "Science" (I'm Using That Word VERY Loosely):
Some Hungarian guy who SELLS THIS WATER says it cures cancer. In other news, car salesman says you need undercoating.
The Spectacular Bullshit:
$20 per liter for water with slightly less hydrogen. That's like paying extra for air with less nitrogen. NO CONTROL GROUPS. The researcher OWNS THE COMPANY. This is fraud wearing a lab coat.
What 62 Relaxed People Proved:
DING DONG! You're less anxious! Know what else reduces anxiety? Not spending $200 on a metal bowl. But sure, if you need peer-reviewed evidence that nice sounds are nice, here you go.
The Vibrational Truth:
A 2020 review said: "We cannot recommend singing bowl therapies." That's science for "this is probably bullshit but we're too polite to say it." Brainwave entrainment? 5 studies say yes, 8 say no. Vegas gives better odds.
What Actually Works:
Makes you more flexible. That's it. That's the list. It's like a $300 stretching assistant that goes BRRRRR.
What Doesn't Work (Spoiler: Everything Else):
Strength? Nope. Speed? Nope. Athletic performance? Big nope. Recovery? Maybe if you believe hard enough. It's a vibrator for your muscles that does less than actual massage.
The Bottom Line From Someone Who Actually Read The Studies
Turkey Tail: Actually works. Japan isn't fucking around. But see an oncologist, not Instagram.
Everything Else: Ranges from "barely works" to "complete horseshit." The wellness industry makes $4.5 trillion a year selling you promises wrapped in pseudoscience and sprinkled with just enough real research to avoid lawsuits.
The Pattern: Tiny studies + Industry funding + Cherry-picked data = Your empty wallet
Want real health improvements? Exercise (free), sleep (free), eat vegetables (cheap), drink water (nearly free), and stop believing that expensive supplements will fix your mortality anxiety.
Remember: If it sounds too good to be true and costs $59.99 a month, it's probably bullshit.